After Percy-Kate, there were three babies. Precious little ones that did not survive the first trimester. I also had a miscarriage between Percy-Kate and Flannery. The first miscarriage wasn't as traumatic because I was only a week or so along. The other losses, however, did not occur until between 10 and 13 weeks. By that time in the first trimester, there is an investment, an expectation. After much grieving, and much prayer, I decided I could not face another pregnancy. Andy and I agreed to stop trying for a third and accepted the beautiful boundary God had set for our family with Flannery and Percy-Kate. Then, through a strange course of events, I believe directed by God, I found myself sitting in an endocrinologist's office hearing the words that there was no medical reason for my miscarriages. He encouraged us to try one more time. So, we prayed and tried again. With Ruby, I told people right away I was pregnant. I considered it an act of faith to put it out there, not concealing the pregnancy for two months in fear of having a miscarriage. I told anyone who I knew would pray for her. And here she is, a real part of our lives, healthy and beautiful.
Here I am pregnant again, with Baby Moore #4. From the very beginning, I have had an assurance,.. not so much a confidence about the outcome, as much as an absence of fear. My dear friend Pam says that every pregnancy is a reason to rejoice, whether or not we bring them home. I understand that now. So we have rejoiced publicly, not in hiding, over this baby for the past two months.
So, last Wednesday was a big day for little Jack (may I be so presumptuous to declare Baby Moore a boy? It's time, right?). Dr. Albushies heard his little heartbeat beating strongly. He made it. That little heartbeat confirmed my hope and my desire. We will add him to our family in a physical sense, not just in spirit. God has truly given us a double portion for our previous sorrows. May I never take these babies for granted...
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